(no subject)

I've been avoiding writing here. There have been things I wanted to write about, but at the time I was busy, and of course then when I found the time, made the time, those thoughts had evaporated.

H has settled into the new job. He seems much calmer and much less stressed than at his former job. This week his supervisor had positive and encouraging things to say--and they were perceptive and obviously from someone who pays attention, not someone just pitching the corporate line. I'm still having trouble adjusting to him being around so much. I've had to occupy my time otherwise for years while he worked double shifts and long shifts and holidays and weekends. Now...he seems to expect me to drop the things I've cultivated the instant he walks in the door. I'm sorry. It doesn't work that way. When I only saw you awake eight hours a week I concentrated fiercely on you for those eight hours. Now that it's much much more than that? I can't sustain that level of interest or concern. And by the way? I'm not a satellite that revolves around you. I don't sit in a dark corner till you walk in the door and activate me. I have things to do, that haven't included you for a very long time. It will take some time for me to transfer attention, and you may have to develop some occupations of your own, because it's late in the game to start trying to live in each other's pockets.

I'm somewhere short of pissed and disappointed in StE. My expectations are low, lower. I haven't heard from them. I miss the boys. DIL has made not one effort to contact me. But their mortgage company, they're very attentive. I hear from them daily.

StY and GF came over a couple of weeks ago--for no reason! Just to visit! That was lovely. It's finally stopped hovering around freezing, and everything is blooming, or befurred with the beginnings of green leaves. It's gorgeous, but I can feel July's heat in the warm air, and I'm washing my face umpteen times a day to clear the pollen, and taking antihistamines and pain meds. I feel cranky. I feel like napping. For a very good long time. A hundred years, maybe. Not dealing, not worrying, waking up to find all my responsibilities resolved...however. Without my investment or my input. Maybe, divorced from investment, I could find a future world interesting.

Called four tree outfits, two sent people out to do estimates, we've hired one. They'll start on Wednesday getting the white pine off the garage, and taking down the one that's leaning, and will haul away the detritus. I went to writing group this afternoon, one of the members has decided to run for local office. We spent maybe 40 minutes on writing, the rest on social and political commentary. I left early. I skipped tarot group. I'd like to nap from now till, oh about October. That would be good.

(no subject)

I've been avoiding writing here. There have been things I wanted to write about, but at the time I was busy, and of course then when I found the time, made the time, those thoughts had evaporated.

H has settled into the new job. He seems much calmer and much less stressed than at his former job. This week his supervisor had positive and encouraging things to say--and they were perceptive and obviously from someone who pays attention, not someone just pitching the corporate line. I'm still having trouble adjusting to him being around so much. I've had to occupy my time otherwise for years while he worked double shifts and long shifts and holidays and weekends. Now...he seems to expect me to drop the things I've cultivated the instant he walks in the door. I'm sorry. It doesn't work that way. When I only saw you awake eight hours a week I concentrated fiercely on you for those eight hours. Now that it's much much more than that? I can't sustain that level of interest or concern. And by the way? I'm not a satellite that revolves around you. I don't sit in a dark corner till you walk in the door and activate me. I have things to do, that haven't included you for a very long time. It will take some time for me to transfer attention, and you may have to develop some occupations of your own, because it's late in the game to start trying to live in each other's pockets.

I'm somewhere short of pissed and disappointed in StE. My expectations are low, lower. I haven't heard from them. I miss the boys. DIL has made not one effort to contact me. But their mortgage company, they're very attentive. I hear from them daily.

StY and GF came over a couple of weeks ago--for no reason! Just to visit! That was lovely. It's finally stopped hovering around freezing, and everything is blooming, or befurred with the beginnings of green leaves. It's gorgeous, but I can feel July's heat in the warm air, and I'm washing my face umpteen times a day to clear the pollen, and taking antihistamines and pain meds. I feel cranky. I feel like napping. For a very good long time. A hundred years, maybe. Not dealing, not worrying, waking up to find all my responsibilities resolved...however. Without my investment or my input. Maybe, divorced from investment, I could find a future world interesting.

Called four tree outfits, two sent people out to do estimates, we've hired one. They'll start on Wednesday getting the white pine off the garage, and taking down the one that's leaning, and will haul away the detritus. I went to writing group this afternoon, one of the members has decided to run for local office. We spent maybe 40 minutes on writing, the rest on social and political commentary. I left early. I skipped tarot group. I'd like to nap from now till, oh about October. That would be good.